Spirituality Has Lost the Plot: Here’s How We Get It Back

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Let’s be real, spirituality has kind of lost the plot.

It’s become another trend, another identity, another thing to perform online. Everyone’s talking about alignment, vibrations, and manifestation (which is great, awareness is growing), but somewhere along the way, we forgot what it actually means to live it.

The word spirituality gets used everywhere these days; in books, on social media, in workshops, and in everyday conversation. And while that’s beautiful in some ways, the meaning has started to blur.

Spirituality was never meant to be complicated or performative. It’s not about how many rituals you do, how “high vibe” you sound, or how enlightened you appear online.

It’s about simplifying your life, grounding yourself, and learning how to feel what’s real instead of avoiding it. At its core, spirituality is about presence, being in your body, in the moment, and in your truth.

It’s not about escaping life. It’s about learning how to actually be in it.

When Spirituality Drifts from Reality

A lot of people find spirituality because they’re looking for meaning, healing, or connection, this is the human experience and crucial to evolution. That’s where the journey starts, with curiosity and hope. But along the way, it can turn into something performative.

We start reading all the books, following all the teachers, putting people on pedestals, learning all the terms and yet we’re not actually living it. We talk about consciousness, light, and vibration, but forget to look at how we show up in our relationships, our emotions, our habits, and our truth.

Even when we think we’re doing the work, we can still be avoiding what’s uncomfortable, projecting instead of feeling, talking instead of integrating.

This is what’s known as spiritual bypassing; using spiritual ideas or tools to avoid facing hard emotions, trauma, or truth. It’s not intentional, it’s just a coping mechanism. But it stops us from growing.

Examples?

• Saying “everything happens for a reason” when we’re still hurting.

• Using “love and light” to avoid anger or grief.

• Staying in toxic dynamics because “we’re all mirrors.”

According to Transpersonal Psychology, spiritual bypassing can delay emotional healing and limit self-awareness. In other words, if you skip the hard stuff, you skip the real transformation.

The Overload of Modern Spirituality

Here’s the other truth, it’s not just that spirituality has become performative, it’s that it’s become overwhelming.

We live in a world where there’s endless information at our fingertips, thousands of teachers, tools, and “must-do” practices flooding our feeds every single day.

It’s a lot. Too much, actually.

Our nervous systems were never designed to process this much stimulation, this many choices, or this constant stream of comparison.

Neuroscience shows that when the brain is exposed to too many options or conflicting information, it activates the amygdala, the part responsible for fear and decision paralysis. It literally puts us into freeze mode. (Journal of Neuroscience, 2019).

So even though we’re consuming more wisdom than ever before, we’re embodying less. Because our systems are overloaded.

The Nervous System Can’t Integrate in Overdrive

When we scroll endlessly (even if it’s self-development content) our body doesn’t know the difference between “learning” and “stress.” It still processes constant stimulation as activation.

Over time, this can lead to symptoms of information fatigue:

• Brain fog

• Anxiety

• Emotional numbness

• Trouble discerning what’s actually true for us

  
  

A 2022 study from Nature Human Behaviour found that the average human attention span online is now less than 8 seconds, and continuous exposure to information spikes dopamine in the same way as addictive behaviours.

That’s why so many people feel disconnected after being online, not inspired.

The body’s trying to protect us from overstimulation. The brain goes, “too much,” and the body follows.

Choice Paralysis in the Spiritual Space

Endless online options can feel empowering but they also create confusion. When you’re constantly told there’s a “right” way to heal, meditate, manifest, or ascend, it can leave you doubting your own intuition.

This confusion creates emotional freeze, a survival state where we stop moving forward because there are too many possible directions.

It’s not a lack of motivation, it’s nervous system fatigue.

So we scroll instead of integrate. We save posts we’ll never use. We keep searching for something we already have, truth.

And honestly, I’m not separate from that. I’m writing about it because I live in it too. Even as someone who teaches this work, I still catch myself overwhelmed by the constant noise, the endless options, the pressure to do more, share more, be more.

But that’s exactly why I teach what I do because I know how easy it is to get lost in it. My role isn’t to tell people how to live, or to make them rely on me. It’s to remind them how to come back to themselves as a guide not coach.

Guide vs Coach: The Energy of Support

There’s also a difference between being a coach and being a guide.

A coach helps you improve or achieve; to reach goals, build structure, and move forward in tangible ways. They often offer tools, frameworks, or even strategies for how to live with more clarity and direction. That can be incredibly valuable, especially when you’re trying to rebuild or realign your life.

A guide walks beside you in a different way. A guide doesn’t tell you how to live, they help you feel your way back to what’s true for you. They hold space for your remembering, not your performing.

A guide doesn’t create dependency; they nurture sovereignty. They remind you that you already have everything you’re looking for, sometimes you just need someone to reflect it back until you can see it again.

That’s the space I choose to hold. Not above, not ahead, beside. Because real spirituality isn’t about giving people a map; it’s about helping them trust their own compass.

What the Body Actually Needs

Your body doesn’t need more input. It needs integration.

It needs you to pause, breathe, touch the earth, and come back to simplicity. Because that’s where wisdom becomes lived experience, not another piece of content to consume.

As the Polyvagal Theory by Dr Stephen Porges explains, safety and embodiment come through slowness, connection, and presence. When we slow down, the vagus nerve signals to the brain that it’s safe to rest, digest, and heal.

This is why simplifying your spiritual practice is not laziness, it’s biological alignment.

But here’s the thing, it’s not about deleting everything, disappearing from social media, or rejecting the digital world altogether. Technology, online teachers, and shared wisdom can be incredible tools for connection and growth, in moderation.

The key is awareness. Learning to notice when your body says “enough.”

When your chest tightens. When your focus scatters. When you scroll past your intuition instead of into it.

That’s the moment to pause. To close the app, breathe, and come back to your own experience, not everyone else’s.

When used consciously, social media can inspire, teach, and connect. When used unconsciously, it can deplete, distract, and confuse.

Spiritual maturity is knowing the difference and choosing your nervous system over your feed.

The Toxicity of Putting People on Pedestals

One of the biggest traps in modern spirituality is idolising teachers, coaches, or “healers.” We find someone who seems to have it all together; calm, wise, radiant and we hand them our trust, our power, and sometimes even our discernment.

But here’s the truth: no one has it all together. Everyone, no matter how “spiritually advanced,” is still human, still learning, still growing, still facing their own shadows.

Putting people on pedestals turns spirituality into hierarchy instead of connection.

It shifts power from self-trust to external authority. And that’s dangerous, because when someone we’ve idealised shows their humanity, it can leave us disillusioned, angry, or ashamed for believing in them.

Why We Do It

Pedestal behaviour often stems from our need for safety and belonging. When we’ve been hurt, lost, or disconnected, we look for someone who seems to hold the answers. It’s comforting, for a while.

But research on transference and projection in therapeutic relationships shows that when we idealise others, we project our own unclaimed strength onto them. We mistake admiration for truth and lose touch with our own wisdom in the process.

The Cost of Pedestals

When we over-idealise spiritual figures, we:

• Stop questioning and start following.

• Overlook red flags because “they must know better.”

• Compare ourselves constantly and feel unworthy.

• Lose touch with our inner compass, the one thing that actually guides growth.

This is how manipulation and harm creep in, not always intentionally, but through imbalance.

Real Teachers Don’t Want Pedestals

A true teacher doesn’t want to be worshipped. They don’t claim to have all the answers. They point you back to yourself.

They encourage independence, not dependence. They remind you that discernment is sacred. Because real spiritual leadership isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being authentic. And authenticity includes the mess, the mistakes, and the humanity.

Grounding: What Science Says About Getting Real

True spirituality isn’t about escaping life, it’s about being in it. Grounding, embodiment, simplifying life, and presence are where the real change happens, and science backs that up.

• Grounding (Earthing): Physical contact with the earth (walking barefoot or sitting on grass) has been shown to lower inflammation, calm the nervous system, and improve sleep and mood (Journal of Inflammation Research, 2015).

• Meditation: A meta-analysis of 78 brain imaging studies found meditation changes areas of the brain linked to emotion regulation, focus, and compassion (Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 2020).

• Breathwork: Slow breathing activates the vagus nerve, the body’s “calm switch” helping regulate stress and anxiety (Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 2018).

• Nature: Spending just 120 minutes a week outdoors improves mental health and wellbeing (Scientific Reports, 2019).

None of that requires elaborate rituals. It’s about being present in your body and connected to the world around you.

Where Science Meets Spirit

For a long time, spirituality and science were seen as opposites, one about belief, the other about proof. But in reality, they’re now saying the same thing in different ways.

Science is finally catching up to what ancient traditions have known for thousands of years: our thoughts, emotions, and energy directly affect our biology.

Modern neuroscience, quantum physics, and psychology are showing that the body and mind aren’t separate, they’re deeply interconnected. When we meditate, pray, ground, breathe, or experience awe, our brain chemistry, hormones, and nervous system respond in measurable ways.

1. The Science of Connection

Researchers at Harvard and Stanford have found that feelings of connection and meaning (often described as “spiritual experiences”) are linked to increased activity in the brain’s default mode network, the part that helps us reflect, empathise, and make sense of our lives (Harvard Gazette, 2021).

People who identify as spiritually connected show lower rates of depression and substance abuse, and greater resilience after trauma (Journal of Affective Disorders, 2020).

In other words, spirituality is not just belief, it’s a biological regulator for wellbeing.

2. The Nervous System as a Bridge

When you pray, meditate, or consciously breathe, you activate the vagus nerve, the longest cranial nerve in the body, which signals safety to your entire system.

Studies show that these practices lower heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol, and increase oxytocin, the “connection hormone.” This helps regulate trauma responses and supports emotional balance (Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 2018).

It’s why ancient breathwork, chanting, humming and grounding works, they’re not magic, they’re biochemical re-patterning tools.

3. Energy, Frequency, and Quantum Biology

Even on a cellular level, science recognises that we are energetic beings. Every cell in the body communicates through electromagnetic frequency, something measurable by modern technology like magneto cardiograms and EEGs.

Dr Bruce Lipton’s research on epigenetics found that our beliefs and emotional environment influence gene expression, meaning the mind can literally change biology (The Biology of Belief, 2005).

Quantum physics supports this too: observation and intention influence outcomes on a subatomic level. That’s not “manifestation” in a fluffy sense, it’s physics showing that conscious awareness interacts with matter.

4. Spiritual Practice Improves Longevity

A study from Harvard’s T.H. Chan School of Public Health found that people who attended weekly spiritual or religious gatherings lived up to 33% longer and had lower rates of depression and suicide (JAMA Internal Medicine, 2016).

MRI studies also show that long-term meditators have increased grey matter density in regions linked to emotional regulation, compassion, and self-awareness (NeuroReport, 2005).

These findings echo what ancient wisdom has always taught: when we quiet the mind, open the heart, and live in truth, the body thrives.

5. Gratitude and Awe as Medicine

Practices like gratitude and awe (central to most spiritual traditions) have measurable effects on health.

According to the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, cultivating gratitude for just two weeks can:

• Decrease inflammation markers by up to 23%.

• Improve sleep by 25%.

• Increase optimism and life satisfaction by over 30%.

And moments of awe (watching a sunset, standing under the stars, hearing music that moves you) lower cytokine levels, the chemicals linked to chronic inflammation (Emotion Journal, 2015).

Science and Spirit Are Not Enemies

Spirituality and science are two sides of the same coin:

• Science explains how things work.

• Spirituality helps us understand why they matter.

When we integrate both, we move from believing to knowing. From chasing transcendence to embodying truth. From talking about frequency to actually feeling it.

Spirituality isn’t meant to replace science, it’s meant to complete it.

Because when you really look at it, both are saying the same thing: Everything is connected. Presence changes matter. And love, in its simplest, most grounded form; heals.

From Believing to Knowing

For a long time, I thought spirituality was about believing, believing in myself, believing in the universe, believing things would work out. And while belief can be a bridge, it still carries a hint of doubt.

Belief says, “I hope this is true.” Knowing says, “I remember that it is.”

True spirituality isn’t about forcing belief, it’s about returning to what you already are. When you really know yourself, you stop trying to become something and start being it.

You stop seeking love because you remember that you are love. You stop chasing power because you realise the power was never outside of you, it was always within.

That’s the difference between performing spirituality and living it. It’s not about convincing yourself you’re enough. It’s about remembering that you always were.

Simplifying Life is Spiritual

Somewhere along the way, “being spiritual” became another thing to achieve.

But real spirituality doesn’t make life heavier, it makes it simpler.

It’s about choosing what matters, letting go of what doesn’t, and creating space for truth, connection, and peace.

If your spiritual path is stressing you out, making you compare yourself to others, or filling your schedule instead of freeing it, that’s your sign to pause.

Spirituality should ground you, not drain you. It should bring clarity, not confusion.

It’s actually just about simplifying life and grounding yourself. It’s been intellectualised too much, too much talking, not enough feeling or doing.

Discernment and Safe Spirituality

The truth is, not every “spiritual” space or practitioner is safe. There are people and teachings that come from integrity and others that come from ego, power, or control (this might not be from a conscious place, they could genuinely believe they are doing right by you, but they are just stuck in a different stage of evolution, see below).

Years ago, I learnt this the hard way. I put my trust in people who spoke beautifully about healing but operated from manipulation. It left me confused, questioning myself, and disconnected. I had to rebuild my trust in my own discernment and that’s one of the most important lessons of all, which is also a stage of evolution.

Here’s what I know now:

• A safe practitioner empowers you, not hooks you. You feel clearer, not dependent.

• They don’t overpromise. Healing takes time and self-responsibility.

• They invite you to trust yourself, not their authority.

• They don’t bypass pain, they help you move through it.

• They live what they teach. Integrity shows in actions, not just words.

• If your gut feels off, listen. Intuition isn’t loud, it’s quiet and grounded.

Everyone is at a different stage of their path, but discernment is what keeps spirituality safe, real, and empowering.

The Evolution of Self

Growth doesn’t happen in a straight line. It comes in cycles, moments of awakening, fear, seeking, and integration.

After 18 years of my own journey and holding space for thousands of others;

I’ve noticed a pattern.

In The Courage Code, I call these the Stages of Evolution of Self:

• The Awakening

• The Fear

• The Seeking

• The Bypassing

• The Ego Death

• The Breakdown

• The Breakthrough

• The Inner Work

• The Integration

• The Service

• The Cycles of Remembering

• The Return to Simplicity

  
  

Each stage has a purpose. When you understand them, you can meet yourself with more honesty and compassion.

If you want to explore these in depth and learn how to move through them with grounded tools and real-life integration, that’s exactly what The Courage Code is here for.

The Real Practice

Spirituality isn’t about looking the part, it’s about living it. It’s how you breathe through the hard moments instead of pretending they’re not there. It’s showing up for yourself when no one’s watching. It’s choosing rest instead of proving. It’s being kind when it would be easier to shut down.

It’s not performative; it’s personal.

When you strip it all back, spirituality is about living in alignment with what’s true for you, not escaping the human experience, but being fully here for it.

That’s what The Courage Code (find more info HERE) helps you do: turn all the talk, reading, and “knowing” into embodiment, courage, and simplicity.

Because spirituality isn’t about rising above life, it’s about living it deeply and honestly, one grounded breath at a time.

This is written from a place of love, to remind you that you were never meant to find enlightenment “out there.”

It’s already here, in the quiet, simple truth of your own presence.

If you need any support or want to chat, please sing out.

Lots of love,

Laura xx