Having a Boyfriend is Embarrassing? No. Being Disconnected Is!

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A real conversation about polarity, trauma, and rebuilding trust between the masculine and feminine.

When Vogue recently declared that “having a boyfriend is embarrassing,” it hit a nerve with many. Not because it was edgy or controversial but because it revealed something much deeper: a fracture in our collective psyche.

We’ve become disconnected. Disconnected from trust. Disconnected from vulnerability. Disconnected from the natural harmony that once existed between men and women, not as social roles, but as energetic counterparts designed to balance one another.

We’ve glorified independence so much that interdependence (the natural rhythm of give and receive) now feels unsafe.

Culture Note:

What Vogue Actually Said (and Why It Matters)

British Vogue ran Chanté Joseph’s piece, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” (25 Oct 2025). It explores how many women are posting partners less (even obscuring faces), not because love is out but because public performance of hetero relationships can feel cringe, risky, or off-brand in the attention economy.

It frames singlehood as a valid identity and asks us to rethink why “hard-launching” a boyfriend ever equalled status.

But as Chanté noted, it’s not all about image. When she put out a call on Instagram, plenty of women admitted they were superstitious, afraid that sharing happiness might attract envy or “the evil eye.” Others feared breakups and the awkwardness of archived memories.

“I was in a relationship for 12 years and never once posted him or talked about him online. We broke up recently, and I don’t think I will ever post a man,” said one woman. “Even though I am a romantic, I still feel like men will embarrass you even 12 years in, so claiming them feels so lame.”

That quote says it all. It’s not really embarrassment, it’s disillusionment. So many women have been disappointed that it’s now safer to withhold love than to be seen loving someone who may later betray or belittle it. Publicly or privately.

And it’s not just social media. It’s emotional self-protection disguised as detachment. We’ve seen too many examples of women holding the line while men lose integrity, so we learned to hide what we care about, because exposure started to feel like vulnerability without safety.

But in doing that, we also built walls around our own softness. We stopped letting love breathe in the light and that’s the wound we’re all walking around with now.

Let’s Talk About “Trad Wives”

The rise of the so-called “trad wife” trend is often seen as a rebellion against modern chaos, women choosing homemaking, slow living, and devotion to partnership. But like any pendulum swing, it’s complex.

It’s not that women want to return to oppression; it’s that many are craving polarity, protection, and peace after decades of hyper-independence. It’s not about being submissive, it’s about being supported. It’s not about idolising 1950s house-wives and way of living, it’s about finding balance between feminine flow and masculine foundation.

The truth is: both men and women are tired. And what we’re all really seeking is harmony.

My Story

For most of my life, I was hyper-independent. I prided myself on doing everything myself; raising kids, building businesses, holding space for others. It was my armour, my way of surviving a world that had taught me not to rely on anyone.

Through my experiences (especially as a single mum) I had to be super independent. It wasn’t just a choice; it was a necessity. I became the provider, the nurturer, the protector, and the planner, all in one body.

Then I entered a traumatic relationship that broke me open. It forced me to see how my self-protection had quietly become self-abandonment. I swung from hyper-independence into codependence, a place that felt unnatural, confusing, and deeply painful.

In truth, what I’ve always longed for isn’t control or dependence, it’s interdependence. A space where two whole people can stand strong in themselves yet move as one, in friendship, in love, in business, and in community.

That is the balance we’ve forgotten. And I know I’m not alone in longing for it.

The Epidemic of Burnout and Disconnection

Women are exhausted; physically, mentally, and emotionally. Deloitte’s Women @ Work 2022 found more than half reported higher stress year-on-year and almost half felt burned out. BCG’s 2024 research also shows women experience up to 26% higher burnout, linked to inclusion gaps and invisible load.

This constant pressure floods the body with cortisol. Hormones destabilise, immune systems weaken, and nervous systems forget how to rest. It shows up as anxiety, fatigue, thyroid dysfunction, autoimmune flare-ups, and emotional shutdown.

Men are quietly struggling too. Globally, men die by unaliving themselves at much higher rates (often two to four times higher, depending on the country). In Australia, about three-quarters of those who chose to leave this world were male (75.3% in 2023, ABS). Research from the APA and Movember highlights that while men feel deeply, they’re less likely to seek help or talk about emotions, due to conditioning around stoicism and shame.

So it’s not that men don’t feel, many feel so much that, without safe outlets, they numb or bury it. And when that happens, women (consciously or not) often absorb and carry that emotional weight.

We’re living in a world where women are burnt out from carrying too much, and men are burnt out from carrying it silently. Both are forms of emotional overload, just expressed differently.

The Biology of Balance

This isn’t just psychology; it’s physiology. Our nervous systems were designed to co-regulate: to balance one another through energy, presence, and emotional safety.

When women feel unsafe or unseen, cortisol spikes and stays high, the body enters chronic fight-or-flight. When men feel unneeded or emasculated, testosterone drops, energy, motivation, and vitality fall.

Healthy connection releases oxytocin and dopamine, the trust and reward hormones that regulate stress, support the heart, and boost immunity. Safety isn’t a luxury. It’s biology. We are wired to thrive together.

The Rhythms of Restoration

At our core, men and women are cyclical beings.

We all move through the Circadian rhythm: a 24-hour sun-mirroring cycle that shapes sleep, hormones, focus, and mood.

Men primarily regulate through this rhythm. Testosterone peaks early morning (drive, focus, confidence) and declines across the day. Around 3–5 pm, there’s a natural dip, a window to recharge via movement, sunlight, a workout, or quiet time.

Ladies — when he gets home and needs a moment, it’s usually not withdrawal; it’s regulation. Let him reset. After that, he’ll have more capacity to listen, hold, and support you, so you can also have your time.

Women track both the Circadian and the Infradian rhythm, a roughly 28-day lunar-mirroring cycle with four phases that shift energy and needs:

• Menstrual: rest, reflection, gentleness

• Follicular: rising energy; plan, create, begin

• Ovulatory: peak vitality; connect, present, express

• Luteal: turn inward; complete, simplify, nurture

  
  

Men — keep in mind she may be burnt out from doing a million things against her natural flow all day because society expects constancy. Support her by creating space to downshift: offer to take the kids, start dinner, run a bath, or simply say “I’ve got this for an hour, rest.” That signal of safety lets her nervous system settle, and real connection becomes possible.

Honouring these rhythms isn’t about roles; it’s about physiological harmony, working with the body instead of against it.

The Red Tent Remembrance

In ancient matrilineal and tribal cultures, women often bled under the new moon and gathered in sacred spaces sometimes called Red Tents or moon lodges. These were not places of exile, but of heightened perception, a time for rest, dreaming, and sharing visions.

Menstrual blood was known as holy, the only blood shed that doesn’t come from violence, but from creation. It comes from the portal of life, the same source that births, nourishes, and regenerates.

In this rhythm of reciprocity, women were held as oracles and manifestors (dreamers, seers), and men as leaders and action-takers (builders, protectors).

The feminine received and initiated. The masculine activated and anchored.

Together, they co-created balance.

This is the primal dance of polarity, co-creation, not competition.

Why This Matters Now

Today, most women don’t gather this way. Instead of honouring monthly descent, they push through, caffeinated, exhausted, and disconnected from intuitive flow. Men, disconnected from the feminine and their own emotions, lose touch with meaning behind action.

Reclaiming harmony isn’t about going back, it’s about remembering balance.

Women need masculine energy for grounding. Men need feminine energy for flow and connection. Both energies live within every person. As we evolve, these currents ebb and flow. Working with both (not denying one) brings us into wholeness.

That’s the foundation of The Courage Code: honouring the body’s wisdom, the nervous system’s language, and the soul’s natural rhythm. I go deeper into the duality of the Feminine and Masculine in The Courage Code course.

The Wisdom in Women’s Hypervigilance

Hypervigilance didn’t appear out of nowhere, it was earned through survival: being let down, unheard, or unsafe for too long. The gift is discernment. As we heal, our systems shift from alarmed to attuned. We read truth vs threat, clarify boundaries, and trust again, not blindly, but wisely.

This is new feminine leadership: not guarded forever, but embodied discernment.

The Inner Work: For Both

For men: Face what’s been suppressed. Strength isn’t the absence of emotion; it’s the capacity to hold it consciously.

For women: Soften without self-abandonment. Safety begins in the body. Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re bridges that protect intimacy.

For both: You can only heal so much alone. The rest happens in connection.

Relationships are where theory becomes embodiment, where our healing meets reality.

The Science of Co-Healing

Healing is relational. Safe connection activates mirror neurons and supports attachment repair. That’s why genuine partnership, friendship, and community matter: they give the nervous system evidence that safety is possible again.

Collective Healing

When men rise in consciousness and women heal in trust, the ripple is generational. Children grow up in calmer homes. Communities become kinder. We move from survival to co-creation.

Healing the masculine and feminine isn’t just personal work, it’s the foundation of the next era of humanity.

Let’s stop polarising and start harmonising.

Men — are you connected to purpose, or just performing survival?

Women — are you still carrying everything because it feels safer than trusting again?

Healing happens in the middle, in communication, presence, and heart.

When the masculine and feminine remember how to dance again; not as roles, but as energies, humanity rises. Not in power over each other, but in partnership with life itself.

Independence taught us strength. Dependence taught us pain.

Interdependence is where we rediscover harmony.

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in relationship, in truth, and in courage.

Where are you ignoring your natural rhythm and what would harmony look like if you returned to it?

I go deeper into this topic in my online transmission, self-paced journey The Courage Code course (find more info HERE) it helps you do: turn all the talk, reading, and “knowing” into embodiment, courage, and simplicity.

Because spirituality isn’t about rising above life, it’s about living it deeply and honestly, one grounded breath at a time.

If you need any support or want to chat, please sing out.

Lots of love,

Laura xx

Sources

• British Vogue: Chanté Joseph, Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? (25 Oct 2025).

• Coverage: news.com.au, Vogue US summary.

• Deloitte Women @ Work 2022 (stress and burnout).

• BCG (burnout up to 26% higher among women).

• Our World in Data (male unaliving rates globally).

• ABS 2023 Causes of Death (75.3% male).

• APA / Movember (men less likely to seek help; barriers and patterns).